As the late great Lon Chaney Jr once allegedly remarked to a nubile young and hopeful wannabe starlet in Schwab’s drugstore on Sunset Boulevard
I used to be a werewolf but I’m alright NNNOOWWW
The reasons I howl at the moon are amply covered in my sailing blog so I won’t go into long and tedious detail here. Yes I have let my hair grow a bit longer, nice to know I still can and no Steve, I still don’t use hair colouring. Sorry and all that, I’m sure I’ll go grey soon just like you, in fact I’m surprised I haven’t. Will I go for a ponytail? Well I’m not sure. We all know what’s under the pony’s tail so perhaps not although Sean Connery has had one in the past and he looked ‘ssshplendid’. One thing is for sure, no earring.
I don’t know what you think about homeopathy but myself I’ve always been a bit, well let’s say sceptical. Skeptical for my North American readers I believe. However whilst researching Quantum Mechanics for a book I began to wonder. If I understand the theory correctly, homeopathy that is because nobody understands Quantum theory including those who write the stuff, the idea is that the liquid you are sold is essentially water which contains the odd molecule of whatever it is the homeopathic practitioner thinks will do the most good. However the liquid has a molecular memory and even though you are drinking water which contains one part in a gazillion ( a technical measurement which makes Planck’s Constant seem large by comparison) of the aforementioned good stuff in fact your body reacts as if you were drinking a highly concentrated mixture. It might sound like rubbish but then so does most Quantum Mechanics which respectable scientists insist is true. Niels Bohr one of the chaps who put it all together from work done by others thought that logically it was all rubbish and afterwards wished he hadn’t got involved. Einstein thought it was probably correct but wished that it wasn’t as it upset him. Having famously said that God didn’t play dice it now appeared to Albert the Great that he did.
Recently the marketing types have got hold of it and pretty soon you’ll be able to buy a ‘Quantum computer’, which will do things that no other computer has been able to do before. Not crash perhaps or one that really will actually automatically save your data and not dump it. Needless to say Apple will think of something else equally unlikely but infinitely more stylish. Trust me they’re working on it now and will name it ‘I something’.
Be that as it may, having finished the last of the local arak (a polite term for Indonesian home-distilled hooch available in a kampong near you at remarkably low cost but don’t drink and smoke at the same time) I was feeling bereft as I made my evening mug of Milo (a malt drink) this evening. Hang on a minute Peter, think laterally or better yet think homoeopathically. I dug out the plastic bottle that the arak had come in, vaguely surprised that the bottle hadn’t actually dissolved. I added a few drops of water, swooshed the bottle around to mix water molecules and the memory of the arak molecules in the plastic then poured the mixture, for surely the theory is correct and the plastic had a molecular memory if not an actual hangover, into the Milo. So there you have it, the art of homeopathic drinking but just between us, I don’t think it’ll catch on.