Oh what a lovely war:
Things are shaping up nicely here at Westminster, ladies and gentlemen.
- Dave (UK PM Cameron) announced that there was a plan~then went quiet when he realised it consisted of bombing Syria because everybody else was.
- So-called hard left activists (remember them?)~not to be confused with so-called Islāmic State, although there are similarities~started sending rude emails to those who disagree with Comrade Corbin (who can be referred to as the so-called leader of the Labour Party).
- Dave thought that was a jolly wheeze, so started calling those who opposed the bombing ‘terrorist sympathisers’. Those who oppose the (non) plan include a former Territorial SAS officer and a former platoon commander who had served in Northern Ireland. Nice one, Dave.
Meanwhile, back in ‘der Fatherland’:
Angela (Iron Mäedchen) Merkel, noticing that her ratings in the polls had plummeted ever since she started being nice to refugees, came up with plan B. The Bundestag were
instructed to authorise invited to debate (and then authorise) the plan to despatch six Stuka close air support Tornado reconnaissance (yeah, right!) aircraft, a frigate (handy things in desert warfare, frigates) and 1200 soldiers to join in the ‘international coalition fighting IS’ (it says here). Hmmm. There is an international coalition bombing IS, but that isn’t quite the same as fighting IS. Does Angela know something that Dave doesn’t? Very likely true about any number of things, but in this case definitely, I should think. Anybody know how many soldiers in a Panzer division? 1200? Now there’s a coincidence. If the German press start calling the affair ‘the War in the East’, then Vlad the Invader had better watch out. The score stands at one all, at the moment. The Germans won at Brest-Litovsk (1917), and the Bolshies won at Stalingrad (1943). There won’t be much left of Damascus by the time they’ve finished, but that won’t worry Assad, who took time out after recording his interview for Czech TV (soon to be aired) to view dachas on the Black Sea coast, with wife Asma. Apparently, during the interview he will inconveniently mention that the Russian intervention is the only thing that has had any real effect on halting the spread of ‘terrorism’. This reference might cloud the issue somewhat, because by terrorism Assad not only means IS, but also those who oppose his rule. This would include the 70,000 people who Dave thinks are going to defeat IS on the ground, supported by a few bombs dropped by the RAF. So then, we have the Syrian Army (Assad’s lot), along with Hezbollah and an Iranian expeditionary force, the Bolshies Russkies in the air (and no doubt ground), fighting alongside the 70,00-strong Free Syrian Army (who all want Assad gone, but are also periodically fighting each other as well as IS, and have been bombed by both Assad’s and Vlad’s respective airforces ), supported by the Afrika Syria Korps (who no doubt really would prefer to have a go at the Bolshies ~sorry, Russkies). There is no truth in the rumours that the Syria Korps includes 90-year-old veterans of the last fracas or that any member of the Africa Syria Korps who refers to the Tornados as Stukas will be shot.
Positive proof that those in the know read this blog:
Following my comment that you couldn’t have a damn good war unless the opposition had a damn good name, the so-called Islāmic State has morphed into Dayesh (pronounced daysh). It’s not much of a name, but at least it’s not a so-called one.
In a speech to the Bundestag which must have caused a long deceased predecessor (Reich Minister of War Wilhelm Keitel) to start rapidly revolving in his grave, Defence Minister Ursula von der Leyen disclosed that following a snap audit, only 29 out of the 66 Tornado aircraft currently operated by the Luftwaffe~which these days prefers to be called the aerial warfare branch of the Bundeswehr~are operational. She told the Bundestag that she was relaxed about this, because the mission only called for six. Has the woman never heard of mission creep, and what happens when the
Boshies damn, I mean Russkies, shoot down a couple? The maintenance organisation responsible for keeping the Luftwaffe operational–Volkswagen Aktiengesellschaft–has lodged a formal complaint about the snap audit, saying that the Luftwaffe aircraft had previously passed all operational tests as specified by the Defence Ministry, who had neglected to tell them that the aircraft might actually be needed for something, and so needed to pass tests that were based on the real-world…sorry, that was just my little joke, but it sounds like VW could hardly have done a worse job.
Meanwhile, in the Mother of all Parliaments, after the mother of all debates, Dave (Winston Margaret) Cameron managed to win approval to bomb the bejesus out of parts of the state formerly known as Syria, as well as Iraq.
There is still no plan, but the presence of the 1200 soldaten of the Syria Korps, undoubtedly soon to be known as ‘Merkel’s Marauders’, must surely point the way ahead.